3 stages of painting

3 stages of painting;

One of the most difficult things to do as an artist is starting a new work, especially if it is big.  You have this huge expanse of surface that you are staring at, into; and it seems to stare back with a mocking glare.  I lay down blocks of color at this point just to silence the debate between me and the vast empty in front of me.  It doesn’t get any easier for a while and sometimes it feels like a loosing battle.  Imagine that dream where you are walking up a hill and you never seem to reach the top.  One heavy step after another, you don’t know if you will wake up or get there.  All I can do is keep pushing my composition. 

At some point, I take a break and walk away.  I might take a picture with my phone and leave for a day or even 3.  I might glance at the snap I took but mostly I just try not to dwell on this struggle waiting for me in the studio.  Eventually, I come back and see it as it is; not what I saw when I left it.  You never see it the same when you come back.  There are areas that need work, instead of searching for areas to concentrate on; now they are glaring at you.  Like needy children, all pulling at the hem of your shirt; all of a sudden, you have the beginning of a plan.  You have reached the middle.

The middle is easier, you have crested the hill and can see the possibilities.  This is where you truly start to have doubts.  Am I artist enough for this? Will I find creative genius or fall flat?  Consider getting into a wagon at the top of a hill and pushing off.  You are driving with the stupid handle that is supposed to pull not steer and things are going faster and faster, racing down the rocky slope….. and suddenly you slow, coasting to judge the distance until you need to

Stop.

Stopping can be sudden, or stuttered.  I’m done, no; wait.  There is a little more to be done here.  Is it working?  Phone a friend to have them come look. They say things that frustrate you, but you keep your ears and your mind open.  You don’t defend your choices, just listen to the suggestions.  This is a friend, they are safe or you wouldn’t have called them.  Sometimes, they tell you not to touch it.  Most times they point to areas that are confusing. The thing is, you are sad; not by what they are saying but because the artistic journey is coming to an end.

That is why I am always starting something again, why I keep going.  I don’t like roller coasters but I love this.  The frustration, exhilaration, the joy in a finished painting; I am addicted to the process.