...serenity in pastel
I lost faith this week,
I woke one morning with the realization that another show hadn’t invited me. It might be canceled but the fact that I wasn’t invited hit hard. I’m lying in bed with my blood pressure going sky high and my prospects in the toilet and I lost it. Deep depression. It hits all of us.
I used to fight depression; the real one, clinical. Took prescriptions and everything for it and I finally found a good way to manage it because it comes back. Fortunately, nowadays; not like it used to and I have ways to deal with it. I made a phone tree in my head of all my friends and family that I can call and I went down the list until someone answered. In the meantime, I went over all of the reasons I might not have been invited and what was going on in my life that was positive.
I’m back in the studio again. I am painting art again and have a plan to build up my inventory in a way that might do better in our economy. I am painting better than I ever have and even I would be a fool to doubt it. My jury photo for outdoor shows has been improved with help and approved by someone with experience in jurying. My bills are getting paid and I have friends.
It is so hard in this time of COVID to remember at times you are not alone and that you have choices. I had joined a facebook group for creating art at this time and the title has the word isolation in it. That one hit me hard that day so I posted to the admin, could we change it? Just a question, either yes or no. Some folks offered suggestions, others made angry comments about changing something that was just fine. So I left the group. I have that choice. Right now, my choices are important for my well being. If I don’t need something to keep my world spinning on, I can walk away.
When we are standing ankle deep in poo, move somewhere else. It helps you gain a healthy perspective. I was reminded how lucky I was that my mom was there to answer the phone, a big perspective shaker. It was a huge positive to mark on my plus list. I was also reminded, this is a transitory time, even the “new normal” is transitory. WWI didn’t last forever, nor did WWII. The Spanish flu circled the globe a few times and is gone. We need to keep that in perspective. In the meantime, I will keep up my depression phone tree and making lists of the positives. Keep the faith, and call friends.